When I grow up...

I am 22 years old, and I STILL do not not know what I want to be when I grow up. I go through phases. One day I want to be a teacher, a doctor, a music producer...the next day I want to be an astronomer, a child care provider, or an actress. When will the mind games ever end?

I've been on the hunt for a job since March of 2011, with no luck might I add. I have only had three jobs in my life! I have worked in retail, in a school district, and have done some office work for an electrical contractor. Not much "experience" to add to a resume. So here I sit, for the umpteenth time, searching jobs that deal with my "love" of things. I use the word love very loosely. If I say I "love" something, I mean that it brings me joy, calmness, and sparks my curiosity. Unfortunately, there aren't many jobs open in my field of thought.

I love computers. Just being around one loosens my strings a little. I thought, "hmmmm, maybe I should work in an office somewhere." At first, the idea was brilliant. I love the office setting. I would not mind being in a cubical. But when I thought about it I learned that I wanted more.
I love music even more than I love computers. So I thought I wanted to be a music producer. I then realized that I have no experience with producing music and I probably didn't have the ability to learn. I would sit around the house watching movies or television shows thinking "That is a great song, but I would have picked _______ song instead." That got my gears going. I thought I wanted to be music arranger for movies and television. How would I even START looking for a job like that? I dropped out of college in my first semester. I'd have to go back to school, find financial aid, get a babysitter....it's way too much. I enjoy music and I would love to have a career surrounded by it, but I doubt that will ever happen.

So I thought I would try to take the easy way out......write a novel. Well, that got me nowhere. I have tons of ideas flowing through my head, but I can never get past page five. My train of thought seems to unravel once I write it down. I have no writing experience, and as you can tell from this "blog" I need a LOT more experience if I expect to see my books on the shelves of Barnes and Noble. If only I could hire someone to write for me. I could just sit here and say all the thoughts that are rushing around in my brain while someone else pieces them together. Too bad that wont work...

So the search continues. I want more than a "job." I want a career. I want to do something with my life that has meaning. I want people to hear my name ten years from now and think "wow, I went to school with that girl. I wish I had her job." To further my job searching, I would need to go to college. How can I go to college when I have no idea what I want to do with my life? I know there are ways to make it work, but I would feel pressured. It has taken me over five years already and I still have no clue. What reason would I have to choose a career path in one year?

I've looked into being an ultrasound tech, but I don't know if I would enjoy doing that in five years. I've looked into being a dental assistant. I don't think I could handle someone with rotten teeth or mouth cancer, so I put that dream aside. I thought about being a medical assistant, but my mothering instincts kicked in "if I deal with germs all day, I'll get germs. I'll give the germs to my kids. My kids will get sick. NO GERMS!" That thought left my mind as quickly as it entered. At one point, I wanted to be a tattoo artist. That plan was actually a very good idea. I know how to draw, very well actually and I can definitely trace (most artists trace their drawings from the carbon copy). I even had a way of getting the tattoo gun, ink, and all other supplies for pretty cheap. I have lots of people in my life who would love to be my practice pin cushions. The only problem with that plan is...no benefits. I wouldn't have insurance, and the pay would be on a "per-tattoo" range. Not having a set amount on my paycheck every week scares me a little. I set that dream aside, but I bet it will come back up in the future.

Long story short, I have no career plans. For now, I suppose I will remain a home maker. No shame in that. I just wish I got paid for it.