Born to be a Comedian

I have two children. My oldest, Aiden, is four years old. Aiden was born to be a comedian. He can walk into a room and make you roll with laughter. He is very intelligent for his age, and he can remember almost anything. He says some of the funniest things. I can not believe what comes out of his mouth at times. I've been told he is hilarious, blunt, and honest. Those are very good qualities in a person. These are some of the conversations that we have had over the past few months.

Conversations with Aiden:

Aiden: "It puts the lotion on it's skin."
Me: "What?!"
Aiden: "It puts the lotion on it's skin. Muahahahaha!"



Me: "Aiden, what are you doing?"
Aiden: "I'm cleaning out my closet."
Me: "Why?"
Aiden: "I'm sorry Momma. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you cry but tonight I'm cleaning out my closet."



Aiden: "If you don't take me outside to play in the snow I'm gonna bust you open!"
Me: "Ok.....let's go play."

Me: "Aiden, come here, please."
Aiden: "Aiden's not here."
Me: "Yes you are, you just said something."
Aiden: "No, I'm Slim Aiden...South coast in the hood!"

Aiden is watching Sid the Science Kid and Sid asked a question: "What do you think happens to the food in your stomach?" Mae answered, "I think all the food bits get together and have a party!" Aiden made a face and said "That kid is an idiot!"

Aiden: "I want to watch you burn!"
Me: "WHAT?!"
Aiden: "Not you, just this worm."
Me: "Ok, just checking."

Aiden came up to me and said "Momma, you are looking mighty fine today. Let's go to Wal-Mart and buy some ice cream."

Aiden walks into the living room and gives me a big hug.
Aiden: "Momma, I missed you so much."
Me: "I've been here all day."
Aiden: "Oh....my bad. I didn't miss you."

We were watching a Sesame Street episode about whales. A little girl said "A whale blows water out of it's blow hole." Aiden looked up at the TV and yelled "I'm not a blow hole, you're the stupid blow hole!"

Aiden: "Momma, I like it when you clean my room."
Me: "I bet you do. Why don't you get off your lazy butt and help me?"
Aiden: "No...you can clean my room and I'll just swing around like a monkey."
Me: "That's not very fair."
Aiden: "Momma, life is not fair!"

Aiden: "Momma, how old am I?"
Me: "4."
Aiden: "When do I get to be 21?"
Me: "In 17 years, why?"
Aiden: "Cause when I'm 21, I'm getting married."
Me: "Who are you going to marry?"
Aiden: "Maddie. She is my girlfriend and she is the most beautiful girl ever."
Me: "I thought you said I was the most beautiful girl ever..."
Aiden: "No momma, you're old...and a butterball."



Aiden: "Dang momma, it's cold in here."
Me: "I know honey. I turned the heater on, it should get warmer in a minute."
Aiden: "Well, hurry up. My nipples can cut class over here!"

Aiden: "Momma, do you have a baby in your belly?"
Me: "No!!"
Aiden: "Then why are you so fluffy?"
Me: "Because I'm fat, Aiden."
Aiden: "Oh, ok."

Aiden: "What are we having for dinner?"
Me: "Tacos, are you hungry?"
Aiden: "Yes. When is daddy gonna make the tacos?"
Me: "Daddy is working late. I'm gonna make them."
Aiden: "Ummmm......I'm not hungry."



Aiden and I are sitting on the couch watching "Lost". He asks me, "Momma, isn't that Ben?"
Me: "Yes, honey."
Aiden: "But how did he get out of the gun closet? And I thought his name was Henry."
Me: "His name is really, Ben, he lied to them and said his name was Henry. And Michael let him out of the gun closet."
Aiden: "But why? Where is Sayid, and Jack?"
Me: "I'm not sure."
Aiden: "Well, that's stupid. You are watching this show too!"
Me: "I know, but I can't remember where they are."
Aiden: "Ugh....I guess I'll have to figure it out myself."
He is four years old, watches "Lost" AND can follow the story. I'm 22 and I get confused!



Aiden and I are watching TV when a Victoria's Secret commercial comes on, Aiden says "Oh, I think I'm in love!"